Soundtrack for this post:
“No Woman, No Cry” by The Fugees
Reflective, encouraging tune
Let’s say you have a jar that represents the finite time in your life and you have two sets of rocks in which you can choose to fill the jar. The large rocks represent the important things in your life: your family, hobbies, friends, relationships, taking care of yourself etc. The small rocks represent those things which take up time but aren’t important. If you begin to fill the jar with the small rocks, there will be no room left at the end for the large rocks. By putting the large rocks in the jar first, you make sure you’re making time for what’s important in your life.
I’m figuring out my big rocks. Alternately: My quarterlife crisis came due a couple years late.
I’m encouraged by those of you who are supportive and incredibly kind in your comments and words. Thank you. There are those that seek to knock you down and kick you while you’re pouring your heart and soul into something that makes you vulnerable. (I could never be a celebrity.)
With that, I will admit that I’ve danced with depression in the past and hear the music starting again. Depression amplifies the feelings of good and bad and warps the way you see things. I’m not trying to be emo. Please know I’m not in any danger of going bat shit crazy or hurting myself or anyone else. I just feel robbed of my life energy and creativity. I do know one thing: I am not alone with this.
How do you deal with the blues?
I crave community, not anonymity. Step into the sunshine. It’s wonderful in the light.
Aug 27, 2009
Rocks
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14 comments:
Alright- here I am again.... :)
I can understand where you are coming from, completely. I have had a lot of similar struggles this summer, especially with motivation and inspiration. Been in a slump, with no excuse for it.
But I want you to know that your story- all the way back- has really inspired me to work towards our goals and to work especially hard to be happy with what we have NOW, so that we can be prepared for those dreams when they come to fruition in the future. I finally got off my behiney this week and started working in my overly-landscaped yard to try and reclaim it as mine. :)
Anyways, maybe you can go back to those first blogs who inspired you and glean from them some guidance? Maybe pare down your commitments to just those that really make you feel right? Sometimes though.... depression is just that. Been there before and sometimes there is no easy answer for it. Chin Up though, you will figure it out. You seem to me too stubborn of a person not to. ;)
p.s. some of were born bat-shit crazy.... where do we go from there?!
First of all, "No Woman,No Cry" is a Bob Marley song, covered by the Fugees, as well as many other artists, including Joan Baez, String Cheese Incident and Faith Hill & Tim McGraw. And who wouldn't pay big money to see Joan Baez sing that with String Cheese Incident backing her, and then have Faith Hill come onstage and kick Joan Baez' butt down the stairs, screaming at her, "I'll give you something to cry about, woman!" Oh, wait a minute, that's what Reba McIntire would do.
But don't be like Marley and smoke yourself into nothingness.
And my God, don't drink to overcome the blues; who do you think invented the blues? That's right, Jack Daniels! It's all a capitalistic scam.
The best remedy for the blues? Plant a big, wet, sloppy kiss on someone you love. It's so funny to watch them gag and spit afterward, you'll be happy for a week.
norcalrn - You're going to make me cry! I am so glad to have inspired you. Cold Antler Farm (www.coldantlerfarm.blogspot.com) had that effect on me earlier this summer. I remember every post I've ever made, but maybe it would be fun to go back through and reread our more adventurous times. PS - Send me an email katie (aat) gardenpunks.com. Where are you located?
Fred - Oh geeze. I know that Marley originally did that song. I was just listening to the Fugees version this morning when I wrote this! As the slump deepened, the less I imbibed from the keezer. Funny that way. Oh, good ol' JD. What isn't a Capitalistic scam? I prefer the not PG-13 rated version of what you suggested...speaking of. Oh Chris....! Where are you?
I find that many years I have a blue period that starts as the sunlight wanes during late summer and autumn. For me it helps to try and get out more and get some sunlight on my skin (Vitamin D helps and so does Vitamin E) I also concentrate on a single hobby which brings me focus and contentment. For me that means Fall is when I start working in the forge again. You need to find out what does that for you and focus on it. What makes you content and happy?
Katie you are one of the funniest people I've ever gotten the pleasure to know. I know that when I'm down all I have to do is say something and wait for your response that advises, guides, and is wholey supportive. Not only that you always come up with a comment that brings laughter to my day. I enjoy that, thanks.
Anyway, the blues are fine and it has its place. You say you've dance with depression well let's do a dosey doe and change dance partner. Dance and remember you're a garden punk try dancing to the Ramones. Here's a link to one of their songs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKNOS4V5nxg&feature=related
I love your anolagy of the jar and the rocks. My jar is near full and one of those rocks has your name on it.
I enjoy your writings, as do many of your friends, keep smiling, keep dancing, keep writing.
You rock!
been to the brink a few times myself and some mornings I can see it from my house. physical work always helps me, the problem is finding the motivation to start.
I think you have already properly arranged your thoughts and priorities on the matter which is key. Now find yourself a few small pebbles to toss in the jar. Nothing so big as to keep the big stuff from fitting, but just enough to feel like you've accomplished something. That ought to get the momentum started.
Been there and back a number of times. In fact, I participated in a study on people with recurring depression a couple of years ago. The study looked at the impact of mindfulness-based meditation on depression, and was based on the concepts in Jon Kabat-Zinn's book "Full Catastrophe Living" (which uses meditation to help people deal with chronic pain).
I found the practices very helpful, especially as I was going through a very stressful work situation at the time.
I've also noticed in the past month that my hugely increased amount of exercise and my much improved eating have led to a decrease in blue moods.
I'd be glad to discuss these more privately, if you'd like. Just email me!
Hang in there! I have the same troubles, usually in the dark and cold of winter.
It may help to divide tasks/rocks into important/not important and urgent/not urgent. After careful thought, if something falls into "not important and not urgent", throw that rock in the river.
It may take longer to reach our goals than we want but always keep them in mind. They're the light at the end of the tunnel.
I also agree that the Ramones would help. :o)
Must be something going around right now.
I too, have had several dances with depression. Sucky dance partner to say the least.
I tend to get down for several weeks at a time when the seasons begin changing (except winter into spring). For me, seasonal changes also mean changes in my personal life (kids at school, kids home from school, vacations I don't really want to go on, Christmas...).
Lately, the way I've gotten over the hump each day is just to allow myself to feel sad. To recognize what's bugging me and then get outdoors. I don't necessarily exercise, but just take a walk. The challenge there is, not to let the things bugging me, to come on that walk in my brain.
Hugs to you. I've haven't said anything really helpful, but know that it's just a wave you may have to ride out. Zoloft helps too. :)
I could have written this post today. Sending waves of love your direction ~ ~ ~
Rick - Seeing as it is supposed to be a zillion degrees here this next week, I think the sunlight might have to come at 9am! I'm going to try to focus on pictures and blogging right now. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for stopping by and dispensing some advice. I really appreciate it.
David - What can I say. There's nobody else I'd rather share a cube wall with. Cute video! Made me laugh. Glad I could do the same for you. PS - Rock is from 7 Habits, remember? As always, thanks for being there.
Kory - thanks for the advice. I try to start on smaller things, only to get distracted and find myself lost again! I'll try harder.
Chile - Thanks for popping in here to weigh in. I appreciate the real world advice. Chris has been doing a great job with our food lately, but I need to get moving again. I miss working out.
Brown Thumb Mama - Throw it into the river! I love it. That's EXACTLY what I'm doing when I'm saying no to things right now.
CeeCee - Thanks for coming over and weighing in. Yeah, what is it right now? Is is something in the water? I notice many people are having similar troubles - I appreciate it when people share because it makes the burden easier to deal with when you know you're not alone. Never underestimate the power of leaving a comment on someone's blog. You HAVE added to the conversation today. Thank you.
Wicked - Good to see you making the rounds. I have missed your wicked sense of humor lately. But like I told CeeCee - is it something in the water? I dunno. I'm going to try to blog more and get back to the point where I was. Hopefully that helps.
Well, this probably isn't very helpful, but you're really not alone. I feel like I've been having a quarter-life crisis since my post-college adult life began in 2001. Kudos to you for exploring this in a public way so the rest of us feel more normal. :-)
Why is depression such an eager partner?
I've done that dance as well, and it can really work its way in there. It took a lot of strange paths, interesting acquaintances, and weird coincidences for me to find my way out.
I think what I ultimately learned from the experience, is to take a longer view of things.
Using the lens of eternity makes today seem very small...and me not nearly as important, and the day not nearly as overwhelming as it may be otherwise.
At the same time, knowing that I'm here for just a blink in eternity, today becomes more valuable and I don't want to waste it fretting over mind games. (I have a bad habit of letting depression in through the back door by way of some mental trap.)
Anyway - sending some love your way, and hoping that just talking about it let in the light!
Fred - way to bring up String Cheese - love them! I think I'll put on an album tonight.
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