During 2009 I’ve been talking with people about what I call “life’s check boxes” – you know, those life events that you complete like a checklist but aren’t sure what propels you to do so other than you’re conditioned from birth that those items constitute the “American Dream”?
Lately I’ve reflected on the decisions that led me to the path where I am today. When I would check an item off the list (finish college, for example which I did in 2005) I’d inevitably be off to the races to the next life event on the list. The problem is that the list was never mine – it was society’s own list of expectations, and I fell for it. It was all too easy to go from one checkbox to the next without thinking because the road to conformity is paved for you to blindly follow. Besides, striking out on your own set of adventures is more work (albeit a hell of a lot more fun).
It all leaves me questioning the “American Dream”.
Colin Beavan author of the No Impact Man book (and blog) says, “For most of my years I’ve just lived my little old life the way people around me write it, but now I’m definitely turning a lot of it upside down. I’m defining life for myself. And you know what? It’s kind of a blast.”
Consider this my notice. I’m opting out. I’m making my own list.
The subversive nature of questioning the status quo and establishment and its expectations has been enlivening and liberating for me. To walk up to my biggest fears, knock them down and tell them that they ain’t shit, only to realize those fears were smoke and mirrors sculpted by societal pressures with no real meaning in my life to begin with – it makes me understand that control truly is an illusion and that I am far more powerful than I ever realized.
So powerful that I want to…
get a tattoo – jump out of an airplane – sing a Rage Against the Machine song at karaoke night – kiss in the pouring rain – do a one arm pushup – live in a yurt – do Tai Chi on a foggy morning – dance in public places – protest against something that isn’t right with the world…
My new personal maxim is “nothing less.” That is, nothing less than the best for myself, my friends, my relationships, and my life.
I’m 28.
My life expectancy is 96 years.
The way I see it, I’m just getting started.
Adventure abounds.
Bring it.
Cheers to a kickass 2010 and beyond.
[PICTURE REMOVED]
Dec 31, 2009
Nothing less in 2010
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50 comments:
Damn straight :)
T.D.
Katie - wow. What a wonderful, thought provoking post. It has really caused me to think about what things I've done just because it's what society thinks I ought to. I admire you for for your introspect - it's such an inspiration.
I'll be on the sideline cheering you on this year and I think I'll try my best to get to the place you're at in thinking of how to live the rest of my life.
Happy New Year, Katie!
katie - its certainly a year of change for you and people who have met you have your back. it maybe a nuance, but the 'american dream' is really the aggregate of 'an american's dream'(x300 million or so) and you have discovered what yours might be. as for me, some of those check boxes work - for others not so much. the main thing is to be true to yourself and most things work out for the best. good luck and i hope 2010 is a rockin' year for you. let us know what tatoo you decide upon :) the main thing is to enjoy your adventure - i know i am enjoying mine.
garry
Good for you. It is important that we all set our own agendas.
Jan
Always Growing
Awesome - congratulations on grabbing your life by the horns! I expect to see that karaoke performance on YouTube :)
Love it! Looking forward to reading about your adventures...and I think I'll be drawing some inspiration as well.
A sweeping bow to Katie, and applause!
Nice post! Inspiring, too. I like "43 things" better than "bucket list" -- at 44, I don't feel ready to start the "downhill slide" quite yet! (fyi, I found you via aspieteach on twitter.)
Great list. I find that I'm deeply imbedded in the that American Dream thing. One hubby and 3 kids will do that to you. I'm in the middle of raising kids (one off to college next year) and wondering what I've been doing all this time. Feeling a bit unsettled about who I am and what is next.
I'm glad that you are setting your path and not the path of what others think you ought to follow. Congratulations. I hope 2010 brings adventure and peace to you.
you go girl! If there is a nice thing about breaking up from a long term partner it is the opportunity to find out who you are and what you like to do and how you like to do it - an opportunity to reinvent and create and nurture your self and your life just for you.
wishing you all the love and courage and peace and stillness and care in the world.
duckie xxxx
ps, am looknig forward to seeing pics of the new tat!
woo hoo! i'm a fan of lists and your list kicks booty.
happy 2010! i'll raise my glass of champagne to a better year tonight.
Awesome! I started crossing things off my list a few years back when I realized the "right" time would never come. Now I can salsa dance; had singing lessons (but still can't sing on key); and told a lame job goodbye.
May your unique path in this world always be surrounded with friends, laughter, and love.
Sounds great...you are young...define your life & live it to the fullest!
Ruth Bancroft was in her sixties before she began collecting succulents in pots; she went on to one create one of the most admired gardens in the west (now overseen by the Garden Conservancy). She gardened actively into her 90's and still co-authors a column in our local paper. FYI, she's over 100 years old now. It's never too late to reinvent yourself, and at 28, you're still a spring chicken!
But remember, you can move forward to new challenges and experiences without diminishing what you've already accomplished. While your reasons for doing certain things may have been externally motivated, the experiences, skills and memories you've gather along the way are still YOURS, so don't view the past few years as a meaningless detour. Everything you've done will help prepare you for what you have yet to do. And if nothing else, the past few years have brought you a family of virtual friends who really care about you.
I totally want to jump out of an airplane.
Which Rage song will you sing?
Love this attitude. Wish I had it back when I was 28.
OH yeah. 28. You are just getting started. I'm 54. I've had an affair. (OH MY! Not supposed to do that!) Have tattoos. Have had a child who spent time in jail. (Still like him.) Didn't feel bad when my mother died. (Another OH NO!)
Sounds like you're on the right path to me. (Your OWN path.)
T.D. - I would have also accepted Damn Skippy.
Gina - Wishing you the best 2010 imaginable. Thanks for all the support.
Garry - I plan on enjoying my adventure to the fullest starting tonight. Thanks for being there.
Jan - It's oh so easy to live life according to the agendas of other people, isn't it? I am looking forward to my newfound epiphany and where it leads me.
Diane - No worries. As goal #3 is stop caring what other people think of me, I hope I can get someone to record it so I CAN put it on YouTube.
Juliet - It's amazing to me that even in my time where I am drawing inspiration and support from people like you, you feel like you can draw inspiration from me. Wow.
Daffodil Planter - Thank you. I try!
Janice - Thanks for stopping by an leaving a comment. @aspieteach and I have known each other for 20+ years now. The world, it is small! I've never seen the bucket list but I hear it is depressing. I've had my 43things account for 2 years and am constantly updating it. I can't wait to seriously start crossing things off the list!
CeeCee - The American Dream isn't a bad thing, it just isn't for me necessarily. I know what you mean about feeling kind of lost. I feel like I lost myself for a few years and am just now getting my soul back. Even my eyes are blue again. I know my peace will come, I hope 2010 is as awesome a year for you as it will be for me. Hugs. Send hubster my healing love too!
Duck Herder - It has been an incredibly liberating experience, which isn't exactly what I expected. I can say that I have sucky moments, but they are few and far between and the opportunities are endless. I look forward to reinventing and discovering myself. I love how you've introduced the concept of courage as well. I'm an Aries. It's what I'm made of.
Ani - I hope you enjoyed the champagne for me. Hugs to you and your kidlet and hubster. Happy New Year.
Brown Thumb Mama - Laughter? check. Friends? check. Love? check. Thanks to people like you, this is all possible. My sincerest gratitude.
Susie - I am young, yes, but don't forget unencumbered too! Looking forward to my new path. It begins tonight.
Susan - I am so glad we crossed paths in 2009. Your comments and perspective is always welcome in my world. I so look forward to reinventing my life without discarding or trivializing the path that got me to where I am today. 4 years ago I could never have imagined the outpouring of support that I have received. Thanks for being a really good friend.
chuck b - So let's do it.
Jennifer - I was thinking 'Testify' - your thoughts? Who am I kidding? I just want to headbang.
Deb - Your words make me feel like I'm doing something right at 28. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Kim & Victoria - Eek! None of us are perfect. It's learning from our past that helps us become fully who we are in the now. And that's what life is about - in the now. Happy new year to you both.
Kudos to you Katie - go girl!
And to those wishing they had your attitude when they were 28, do it NOW, it's never to late to have a kick-ass attitude!
I haven't put mine on 43 things like you, nor do I make New Year's resolutions anyomere: I just have 4 simple New Life's Resolutions to live by - Find what floats my boat (i.e. what suits me), greener living, make a difference in the world and improve my (already good) health.
It's a very liberating way of thinking :)
Here's to a fab 2010 for you and all Gardenpunk readers!
Do things that make you happy. Although -- I must admit -- I question how *happy* I would be bedding down in a "yurt." Do they come in XXXL sizes?
Life's little journey is going to lead you on a lot of paths Katie. And -- you're dead on right about one thing -- you're just getting started.
As for the degree thingy -- if you do opt to finish it out -- be aware that you'll be subjected to a lifetime of nightmares where the President of Sac State is knocking at your front door to "repossess" that piece of paper.
Bill - We never know what we can live without until we have to. I think I can give up the square footage. Confusion - I have my degree and half an MBA. I was just illustrating which "life's check boxes" I was referring to without including the one for "getting married" LOL
Kudos for taking the reins, rethinking what success means, and deciding to live life on your own terms. Enjoy the adventure!
Cheers to a kickass 2010 and beyond Katie!
You rock Katie! What tattoo are you going to get?
This new Katie is really inspiring. I almost made up my own 43 things the other day when I saw you post the link on your profile.
Congrats.
VP - Thank you for stopping by! Good to hear from you. It IS incredibly liberating - I especially like the 4 "rules" you've set for yourself. Cheers to 2010!
garden girl - I'm finally in control of my own life again. Redefining what I want to do and what is "successful" has been incredible.
Fern - Stay tuned to find out!
MrBrownThumb - To inspire you means a lot to me. Thanks for saying so.
go for it!
Go Katie! Sounds purposeful!
Definitely make your own list but be careful that you don't deliberately make it an anti-list just to be different. Some of the things that are on the 'list' are there because time has proved that they are good to do.
Also an observation. GardenPunks seems not to be on hiatis anymore.
Layanee - Motivation is a powerful thing.
Ralph - Everything on my list is what I've wanted to do but held myself back from. Life is short. I changed the header, thanks for the reminder.
Katie: You rock. That is all. You're going to do just fine! Here's to a wonderful 2010.
All the best! Love the list, now make sure you change it every day!
Love this. I made my own list for my bday last month. It's been hanging over me since, invading my every thought and shaping my actions. It's an awesome thing.
Here's from one who rarely used a list other than her own...be flexible enough to write a new one every now and again. Be prepared for people to ignore you. Be prepared to attract people and things that were unexpected. Be open to learning more than you ever expected about the world and yourself. Mine used to include jumping out of a plane--which I never got around to doing and now no longer feel the need to. I have however, danced in public places...much to the delight and embarrassment of those around me. Dance through life making your own joy--it's your journey.
Wow! You really said it straight! I really admire you for that! I like to have my own list, too! I am going to make one! Thanks for inspiring!
turning off the autopilot was perhaps one of the best things I ever did.
It went a long way to correcting a lot of imbalances, and setting quite a few cognative stumbling blocks aside. Emotionally I'm in a much better place because of it.
Watch out for the tattoos, once you start its hard to stop. Trust me, I don't kno whow many hours I've had in the chair now, but its not nearly enough.
Right on sister!
Loved the post - it was so inspiring! 2010 will be a rockin' year for you.
You'll have to come visit us in Portland. :)
Hugs...
Jodi - Thank you. Hugs!
Town Mouse - I edit and revise the list daily. Always have!
TheOrganicSister - Good for you to make a list! I find that having kept this same list in one form or another since 2007 has helped me find focus. Now more than ever.
Susan aka Ms. R - I already find that my journey is turning some people off. That's fine by me! Those people will not challenge their own assumptions and live the fullest life they can live.
cedar chests - Thanks. Good luck with your list!
Kory - Let's start with one and see where that takes me.... :D
RowdyKittens - I certainly hope 2010 kicks as much ass as I hope it does. For all of us!
I know what you mean. 9-5 is easy.
My wife and I have decided to start an alotment/community garden in Fort Worth. That was the easy part. Now we have to make it a reality. That's the fun part, albiet a challenge.
Jacob - The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Congratulations on making a dream your reality! Now hop to it!
I would be glad to read about your adventures. Getting a tattoo is something I wanted to do ever since but I am not doing it because I might get busted. Kissing in the pouring rain is something that thrills me every time I think of it.
You GO, Girl!
KATIE. Shit. I am just checking in after being out of my blog reading loop since mid-November. I am sad and excited for you. You are amazing....your strength and wit and love-ability. I look forward to seeing what the future will bring for you. Good things, I am certain. Much love.
John - I love talking about my adventures, because I totally think that's what life is! Going to wait for better waters before getting a tattoo, that way I'm not reminded of the icky parts of this journey when I look at it. And the kissing in the rain part? I can't wait. :D
Chile - Grinning ear to ear!
dig this chick - I draw strength from the amazing support you all give me. THANK YOU.
BEAUTY!
I smell a meet-up and tattoos will be involved. Yay-yeah!
I echo every sentiment expressed in this missive. Sadly, it took me 46 years to get the same point you are at at 28. What I would give o have 18 years back to do it over.
BUT, I have now. I have the rest of my life. And yes, the adventure has begun. And I am more than up for it!
Kickass 2010?! You had better believe it!
You absolutely ARE powerful! At 47 I have come to the conclusion that men made up the word "spinster" to throw us off so we wouldn't catch on to how happy we can be without them! (And I also believe in "never say never" :) All I know is-why fight contentment?
I wish I'd read your blog earlier. I know exactly what you mean. I was never normal, eschewed many things but also jumped through many hoops that weren't my own. People thought I was crazy when I quit my job. But I'm 44 and you start realizing you're mortal and you gotta make your own life sooner or later. So much I want to talk to you about when you are well again! Hurry up! :)
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